ShiteName's last night of freedom



ALSO TO BE KNOWN AS "THE ABSOLUTE C*NT OF A DAY"...


9am start at my house and breakfast is on the go. Paul, Shite Name, Nigel and Big Steve are ready to fill up with a Syze One Brekkie and Fran has left Huddersfield in an attempt to meet us at Burton-upon-Trent for 10:30. As it's Fran and as it's wet I didn't really expect him to get there but fair play to him he did actually set off. More of that later.

Right...normalities resumed with me and my bike and a Salutation event as hasn't been seen in a few months....breakdown! The Bandit got 200 yds before telling me in no uncertain terms that there were issues with the clutch and it was returned to the drive leaving me with a few options. CBR with Nigel on the front which isn't as scary as it sounds cos he only does corners at walking pace, Triumph with ShiteName on the front which has the potential to be frightening, or there was the Maggie View and this is what I opted for. Steve's machine really is a comfy ride and there's a lot to be said for big comfortable back rests and on-board music systems :)

This idea was met with disdain from the Gods of Biking and they sent forth such wrath that it chewed up Paul's gearbox on the A5

We arrived at Burton and I received a call from Fran. I knew this was coming and, as expected, the weather had beaten Fran to a quivering wet jelly and a leaking clutch master cylinder didn't help either. Fran turned around and nursed the bike home.

So far Poker Run 2, Salutation 0.

First stop was the National Memorial Arboretum and the next planned stop was going to be the National Motorcycle Museum but we decided to pop back to my house and have a little look at the Bandit, to see if we could get it back on the road. This idea was met with disdain from the Gods of Biking and they sent forth such wrath that it chewed up Paul's gearbox on the A5. Poker Run 3 Salutation 0.

While Paul was pushing his dead bike along the A5, Nigel was rumaging around his garage for some clutch fluid, and some simple maintenance had the Bandit back on the road with Paul now in Maggie's View on the comfy chair. The rain came and went all day and we were running out of time to get the run completed and be back at Burton for prize giving and this made near impossible when Nigel noticed we had lost ShiteName and Steve on the M6, in torrential rain. Poker Run 4 Salutation 0, as we received a message from Steve that he had shredded his tyre at 90 mph in the fast lane with Paul on the back. Steve didn't make it back to Burton and was transported home by a nice man in a yellow van.

The party after the Poker run was standard fayre with prize giving, couple of bands, food van, oh and a 40th birthday party going on in the social club on the same site. This was gatecrashed by men with blue faces trying to swap a leather waistcoat for a frock but we got no takers. Yes....men with blue faces.....the blue paint was out and we were well blued but it didn't take long before everyone was blued....bands, groupies, caterers, kids, barstaff and about 50 Royal British Legion members. Everyone took it in good spirit except one woman from the "ciivvie" party. She didn't like me splashing her on the nose and soon left in a huff.

Spider from the Legion was up to no good with ShiteName's underwear and sausages

Spider from the Legion was up to no good with ShiteName's underwear and sausages and we met a new friend called RyanFuxSake and a bloke called Sid founder member from the Jesters. None of us won the actual Poker, we broke 2 bikes, one bike never made it and I got a lesson about the relationship between bikes and oil...again. ShiteName was rocking on his feet by 7pm but somehow managed to drink himself sober and my hand got more shaky as the night went on, as the pics will show.

Top party, top stag piss up...bloody shame the rest of the club boys couldn't turn out.

Andy


And a few words from the Stag himself...

For my club stag I originally proposed a quiet night in at the Vic. Andy had a much better idea though - the RBL/Unwanted MCC Poker Run and after ride party was a no brainer improvement.

That the run itself afflicted our little band with two dead clutches, one disintegrating gearbox and a punctured rear tyre, did little to dissuade the Sally contingent from limping back the the Unwanted HQ an hour late with our poker tabs signed off. We didn't win by the way.

self abuse, human graffiti, indecent exposure and attempted gang raping (of me) would otherwise have left us off several clubs' christmas card list

However, our plucky determination and outright tenacity had already sewn a Salutation legend - it was a public relations success at this point.

We needed the public relations credits though, since the forthcoming self abuse, human graffiti, indecent exposure and attempted gang raping (of me) would otherwise have left us off several clubs' christmas card list - maybe it still has.

I couldn't do the evening any more justice than the photo's will achieve, suffice it to say however, that I had a ruddy good time of it and would like to thank everyone for making my passing out of singledom a memorable one. In particular my club compatriots Andy, Wigan Paul and Nigel Fackin Leg End - as well as Big Steve (two of whom went home in a recovery truck). And also to Spider, Sid, Ryanfuxache, Max et al who we met on site.

Bless you all for ensuring I didn't get through the night without having my nutsack used to extinguish fags, being turned into a gimp, getting my undies wedgied to utter distruction or having my colon probed with such vigour and enthusiam.

Oh - and thank you for allowing be to keep my eyebows.

ShiteName


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And here's Andy's, gradually deteriorating snaps...


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And here's a few images from Sid and Mark (RBLR)...


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