The Boring Old Fartz Rally 2009



God, I hate the traffic on the M6 on a Friday afternoon!

It was only supposed to be a 90 mile meander to Syze's place...but it took bloody hours! Traffic started queueing about 15 miles from home and steadily got worse. Somewhere around Keele services, it stopped altogether. Forgivable, due to me arriving at the front of the queue just as the air-ambulance helicopter was lifting off from the carriageway. Then dibble flagged us away...on a 20 mile sprint to get to a cold drink! Once at Syze's, we did bugger all, waiting for the arrival of some new bloke, Nige, that I'd never met. He finally turned up and off we trotted.

It was a brief blast of about 30 miles to the site for the Boring Old Farts Rally - but just about all of it had average speed cameras on it!!! Aren't you pissed off with Big Brother? I know I am.

It was a bloke's night out, so we did what blokes on a night out do. Drank and talked shite. For hours!

At site we quickly chucked the tents up and took advantage of the glorious evening weather. Did I mention the glorious evening weather? Fantastic! Couldn't have asked for better...and it stayed with us all weekend, too! Bloody great!So we sat, we chatted, we watched bikes trundle past. Then it was time for grub and booze. So we went in search of grub and booze. We found grub - and quite a good choice of it, too. So we eat something, then went in search of booze.

We found booze. Funnily enough it was at the bar. Two bars, in fact. Result! So we bought booze - and we got the only unpleasant surprise of the weekend. It was a bit dear. By now, we're used to buying four cans for a fiver at rallies, this was by the pint, at pub prices. Not something we were expecting, but we adjusted and drank heavily as expected. By now you're thinking this is gonna be a very long write-up, as we've only just got to the drinking-heavily bit. But don't worry, with the early onset of Alzheimer's, I won't remember much more...

So, it was a bloke's night out, so we did what blokes on a night out do. Drank and talked shite. For hours! We wandered around taking the piss out of as many folk as we could manage. Both Syze and myself were getting loads of Wakinyan-Punters turning up and telling us what a great rally they'd had last year and how they were looking forward to September. It was great to hear - let's hope they all bring friends with them...

It turned out I wasn't the only person wandering about still pissed, so I ended up talking to God-knows-who for another hour or two, before I decided I was really pissed and needed my bed.

It was getting late into the evening, when conversation turned to a mass of lovely blonde hair being flung about in gay abandon at the front of the stage. It took quite some time to establish the gender/level of attractiveness/nice smell of the hair's owner...but what happens at a rally, stays at a rally, so I can't tell you any more. Well, I could, but then I'd have to kill you. Much later, Syze and Nige wandered back to the tents to attack the remaining cans they'd brought with them, so I went and propped up the bar. I drank, I talked shite to anyone within earshot and had a damn fine time. Some of you may not be surprised to hear I was one of the last folk out of the bar, into a lovely sunny morning. So I carefully carried another couple of pints back to my tent, to have my nightcap. It turned out I wasn't the only person wandering about still pissed, so I ended up talking to God-knows-who for another hour or two, before I decided I was really pissed and needed my bed. Thankfully, I remembered to text Ali, who was joining us next day, to ask her to bring some cans of booze, to save a few quid...

Saturday was pretty much the same as Friday, but without the traffic-dodging. We sat, we chatted, we watched bikes (and a weird tracked thing) trundle past. They sounded noisier than I remembered, maybe that was the hangover... Ali and Nige's missus turned up Saturday, with kids in tow. I watched more tents being erected. I sat in the glorious weather. Had I mentioned the glorious weather? It was glorious... MTL turned up. I didn't watch him erect a tent. He just moved his gear into my tent...and moved my gear out...

So Saturday night came around. We went in search of grub and booze. Again. Not surprisingly, we managed to find both, and partook as much as we could. Another great night of sitting on the grass, talking shite and enjoying the music. Saturday's band wasn't as good as Friday's, but we enjoyed it nonetheless. Ah well, the Alzheimer's is kicking in at this point. I vaguely remember wandering around till the early hours again. I vaguely remember a telephone conversation with Thora, who was at home, having just finished another late shift. I do remember packing up the tent and wandering off site to the motorway. Being waved on my way by Syze, MTL and Nige as they went off one way, and I another. I got home. I slept. I promised myself I would tell you all to get your arses to the BOF rally next year. It was bloody marvellous.

Did I mention the glorious weather?

Wigan Paul


chillin

Mmmm...is that our house I can see from here?


ali

No. Plantpot...


kids

Just ignore what your dad's saying, he's been sitting in the sun too long.


joe

Look, dad! My T-shirt matches your bike!


pose

This is Nige. He likes to pose...


laughing


tracked


oldskool

I liked this wee beastie...


blinded

Don't you just hate it when a camera flash goes off when you're sat in the dark?


manatwork

Strange effect...


red

He, he, he...he looks very red...


trust

Would you trust a man with a face like that?


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